My latest Girl Crush

I realize I'm way beyond the age when I (or anyone else) should refer to myself as a “girl”, so lets just get this out of the way: I get that fact, okay?

It's been a while since my last girl crush . Well, girl crush on a celebrity, anyway. It goes without saying that I'll always have a girl crush on my friend Gail. No question about it. Oh, and her friend Becky, too. Of course. If you know either of those women you know what I'm talkin' about.

Sometimes I'll mention my latest girl crush (which frequently changes) to my husband or one of my guy friends. Guys seem to like those discussions. It's so obvious. It's always the same: when I discuss a girl crush with a guy, the guy's eyes instantly glaze over and I realize right away it's because he is hearing really bad porn music in the back of his head. I just want to slap him across the face to pull him out of this state.

So let me say, guys: it's not that kind of thing. It's not a "Girls Gone Wild", girl-on-girl thing. A girl crush is when you know, meet, or see a woman "whose sense of style or brilliant achievements or personal charisma makes you kind of adore and worship her" (according to Grrl Genius, a girl crush expert).

Let's be clear: girl crushes are nonsexual. Guys: Did you get that? Turn off the porn music.

My husband has been teasing me for years about my crush on Queen Latifah. Whenever she's on TV he says “there's your girlfriend."

There's just something about Queen. She's gritty, she's strong, she's beautiful. And she was really, really good in Chicago.

I had a brief girl crush on Anne Heche (when she played that wacky character on Ally McBeal). Don't ask. These things are hard to explain.

I had a friend whom I once called my "best" friend. I'd had a crush on Lynn since we were in the second grade. I admired how incredibly smart she was, and I admired her long auburn hair - always braided in two perfect braids and always secured with two perfect white ribbons.

As we grew, part of what attracted me to Lynn was that her life just seemed perfect. Her parents were perfect. Her grades were perfect. She lived in a perfect house and always had perfect clothes and perfect boyfriends. I admired all of that.

I'm not sure what Lynn liked about me. My life was so different from hers. I didn't have perfect grades or perfect clothes, and I certainly didn't have a perfect life. But I always made her laugh.

Lynn and I stayed best friends through college, weddings, children.

Ten years ago, my brother Allen died. Lynn was at a loss as to what to do, what to say. I understood. Nothing so horrifying had ever happened in her perfect life. We never talked about Allen, his cancer, or how much I missed him.

I realize now that was the beginning of the end of our friendship.

A couple of years later, when my sister Linda was killed in a car accident, Lynn simply pretended it didn't happen. She didn't call. She didn't send a note. I shouldn't have been so surprised, or so hurt. I should have known that the friendship was partly based on us both having happy, perfect lives. When my life got a bit rocky (and I just couldn't make her laugh), I guess she couldn't bear to be around me.

Geez. I just buzz-killed my own post, didn't I? I didn't mean to.

Yeah, my experience with Lynn was regrettable, and losing my brother and sister nothing short of heartbreaking.

But I was talking about girl crushes, and I can't finish without mentioning what I intended to talk about in the first place:

My latest girl crush.

Okay. So last weekend, while channel surfing, I came upon Pulp Fiction. At that moment, Uma Thurman and John Travolta were just pulling up to Jack Rabbit Slim's -- the exchange between Travolta and Uma (and the adorable dance segment that follows) is undeniably the best part of the movie.

There's just something about Uma, you know? And Uma in Pulp Fiction -- simply irresistible. And geez, remember Uma in Batman and Robin as Poison Ivy? Wowee!

Aw, come on...don't start with the porno music thing, guys. AmI gonna have to slap you across the face?